I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
