I love black thongs
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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