i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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