It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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