Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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