New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
