i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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