final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
