And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
