Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
