I wanna bring you to show and tell
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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