Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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