When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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