i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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