so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
