why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
