I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
