Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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