Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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