I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
