Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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