Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
