so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
