i need an iv and a liver transplant
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
