He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
