I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
