cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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