just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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