the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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