you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Life without a bra equals bliss.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
