Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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