Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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