she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
