the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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