Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
