Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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