Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
