Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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