I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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