We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
