Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
