My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
