he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
