So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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