I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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