winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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