Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
