We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
