i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
