bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
