Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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